23rd December 07

Doesn't quite feel like Christmas yet.. 23rd December, I think? I've lost all track of time since I got here. The sunshine is lovely, yet it's cold in the house. I'm sat by the fire at the moment.. hope the laptop doesn't melt :S Just watching Baseketball on tvvv whilst my parents are out shopping, for food I might add. This is a gift free Christmas. Ya see I'm broke, less than £30 left in my overdraft, my Dad's broke, and my Mum's too busy buying sun loungers and cookies to have any money for Christmas. So here it is! I can't tell why exactly it doesn't feel like Christmas, is it that Jamie isn't here? Or is it that I know I'm getting nothing? Or is it that I'm in Texas, NOT England? It's just like any other time of year.. The only things wehave to do are - play Monopoly (granted it's the Spongebob version), Kerplunk, or erm Oh yeah Uno spin opr something.

I went to Church with my Dad this morning, not my choice.. My mum's ill so I knew if he went on his own he'd be embarassed and upset.. so I hadta sing songs, and tell my Dad I "thank God he's here". Never said that before! I've had a few moments like it before in my life, normally funerals.. or when we visit my cousins. It's just bizarre. I don't see myself as a bad person, but a soon as I get into a Church (or a High School as the case was today) I feel like "Ugh.. I'm not THAT kind of person". I'm not a grinning, bowing, white-teethed smiley girl with a name people can pronounce.. I'm a fumbling, lie-in loving, food addicted fatty patty. Listening to my Dad sing was funny. I can't tell if it would be as funny if my Mum was there.. she'd be staring at me watching me sing, thinking "Aw. She can't sing". Ugh. Anyway this isn't as coherent a blog as I intended, so I'm'a gonna leave it hurr.

I have a few comments/messages/facebook things I should have replied to by now but my laptop's a bit lame.. The screen keeps going weird. I'm scared! Will sort it eventually. Okee dokee. X