Lupe Fiasco saved my day

I think I'm depressed! This sounds pathetic but hold on -

All I've done recently is sleep. Not washed much. Not moved really. Not left the house. I'm awake from the morning before til midday next day, then I sleep til 8pm, then I'm up again til midday the next day. I just stare at the tv waiting for The Hits to come on, or some decent tv. I just think about how I have bags of pasta and nothing else to eat, and how I crave bread, fruit, cheese even. I can't afford to go to the supermarket, and I can't find the energy to walk to the supermarket and back. I certainly can't afford a taxi either. I'm thinking about my overdraft, how I got in it, how I wish I hadn't bought all those breakfasts at Uni, or that pair of jeans, how I wish I could drive by now - cycle of doom. If I drove then I could reach for the better jobs, but I can't afford to drive because I dont have a better job. re: better job means more than NMW. I'm over minimum wage now. That's just painful. I stare at the disgusting amount of clothes I have, and how I don't wear much. I'm surrounded by my own greed and desire to own. And it makes me feel depressed. My room's cold because I have a single glazed window with holes, I get bitter at the fact the room below me is inhabited by a couple who get the most loan in the world and pay only half the rent, anyway that room is toasty and warm. I have a box of baileys chocolates to eat if I get unnecessarily hungry. Sticking to 1 meal every 12 hours. Losing my appetite anyway! See I sound fucking pathetic. But I've lost something. I'm realising I'm almost 20. I might live til 70s. Over a quater of my life down. I have no skills. No knowledge. I don't remember shit from high school. I don't know anything about my course at Uni. I've lost the ambition to be anything in the world. I just want to be thinner, prettier, richer.. ugh how lame. And to top it all off I keep getting horrible stomach pains.. like I'm having a panic attack. Haha I sound like Dani. I should be doing a piece of uni work, but I've realised I have 11 days left, and yet again I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't deserve a degree! Seriously I need a kick in the face. And a doctor.

But apart from that Lupe's new album is amaaazing. Also CRS - Kanye + Lupe + Pharrell. 3 favourite boys. Haha. sounding amazing. I ask you to Seeqpod CRS and give them a listen.